A Morning in NOIDA Traffic

9:00 am - Wake up to the phone ringing. Roll over and pick it up. "Good morning sir, your cab is here." New day, same sentence. Kind of comforting really.

9:10 am - Groggily stumble out the door. Leave the key at the front desk so that people can come in and rearrange everything in your room while you're gone.

9:11 am - In the car. Try to buckle the seat belt. Remember that they don't exist in the backseats of Indian cars, and think about how nice it is that people are so concerned about the comfort of their passengers.

9:12 am - 12 minutes after getting up, you're stuck in traffic as the driver tries to make a turn into the sector across from you. Nevermind the fact that if he went straight he could make the same turn onto a major roadway and get you there without the jam. Either way, there are horns honking, men shouting, and you just want to go to bed.

9:15 am - Out of the jam. Sit and watch as your driver pulls into oncoming traffic and speeds up to pass the bicycle rickshaw in front of him. Try to buckle your seatbelt again. Remember that they don't exist in the backseats of Indian cars, and think about how you're going to DIE.

9:16 am - The driver winds up behind another rickshaw, and this time thankfully can't pull over into the pathway of the oncoming bus. He honks about 30 times. The rickshaw driver, despite having enough space beside him to move, doesn't get out of the way.

9:17 am - Driver finally makes a daring escape, dodging between the rickshaw and a cow my mere inches to pass the rickshaw.

9:18 am - A bus pulls out from an intersection right into your path. The driver swerves to escape, and it misses you by about a foot.

9:19 am - Tailgating a red car...and by tailgating I mean about a yard of space.

9:20 am - Red car stops, driver is forced to slam on breaks and barely misses hitting red car.

9:21 am - Red car moves again. Continue tailgating as before. Note to self: perhaps driver is attempting to seem nonchalant about his death wishes so that passengers feel like it's no big deal.

9:22 am - Come to another intersection. There is congestion here EVERY SINGLE DAY, and EVERY SINGLE DAY there is another way to go that isn't congested. And yet which intersection do we wind up at? You guessed it.

9:27 am - Out of congested intersection, after cutting off two motorcyclists and a very angry rickshaw driver.

9:28 am - Left turn on major roadway at high speeds into oncoming bicycles and pedestrians. Feel more secure because if you do hit them, you yourself won't die.

9:29 am - Make a hard right turn, with a bus and three cars coming straight towards you. Luckily they slam on their brakes when they are about a foot away from broadsiding the car.

9:30 am - dodge three cows on opposite sides of the roadway and pull in to your destination. Sign a form saying you made it to the end, thank the driver, and get out. And in a show of convenience only India can offer, you don't even have to unbuckle your seatbelt before exiting.




That was this morning, but note that something similar happens every morning.